


mamihlapinatapai

by souvenirscar



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Bisexual Pam Beesly, Canon Compliant, F/F, Femslash, Lesbian Jim Halpert, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 18:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19835812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souvenirscar/pseuds/souvenirscar
Summary: mamihlapinatapai (n.) the wordless look between two people who both desire something, yet are equally reluctant to initiate. beach games from lesbian jim halpert's point of view.





	mamihlapinatapai

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gossipgardener](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gossipgardener/gifts).



> i wrote this seven months ago with every intention of posting it and yet i never did. hope you enjoy!

“Jane, I called off my wedding because of you.”

The night is silent after that. The colleagues Jane’s accustomed herself to after years and years of patience are tranquil, shockingly devoid of criticisms or whisperings. Each and every pair of eyes are trained on Pam, and Jane can hardly blame them. Her deep brown eyes are flared up with not love, not anger - instead, an emotion she can’t quite put her finger on, but still makes her breath catch all the same.

Well, _nearly_.

“And now we're not even friends. And things are just, like, weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. And I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's fine, it's whatever, that's not what I'm - ”

Jane’s eyes drift to Karen, whose gaze is currently fixated on Pam. A wave of protectiveness surges up within Jane, suddenly desperate to whisk Pam away from the bonfire and cradle her flame-lit face in her hands, even if the moment would only last a second before reality crashes on their heads and rocks the very Earth beneath their feet.

But what would Jane _say_? How could she respond to such a world-shattering confession without losing her wits and simply kissing Pam the way she did a year ago? For once, Jane Dana Halpert is speechless, her words becoming even more stifled as Karen turns her intense glare on _her_ next.

“The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jane, and to everyone else in the circle, I guess - ” She’s sheepish now, and although Jane’s seen the look on Pam many times before, _this_ one is enough to relax her, to weaken her defenses, to soften her into even more of a wordless mess. “is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle.”

She casts her stare downwards, attempting to look anywhere but at _her_ , careful not to present her true feelings - but Pam’s eyes are boring into her forehead hard enough to form beads of sweat, so Jane submits, ready to face the meek Pam seen only seconds before. Instead, she’s defiant, slackening Jane’s blank look, at least just a little. The redhead softly smiles, glancing at the ground, and Jane feels her pulse accelerate to the speed of lightning.

“Okay, I am gonna go walk in the water now. Yeah. It's a good day.”

As Pam scampers off, Jane doesn’t think of Michael’s oblivious words, or Angela’s critical gaze, or even Karen - instead, she thinks about their dreaded Casino Night kiss, when Pam broke and healed her heart all at once.

_(Just as she was doing now.)_


End file.
